tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post4068885793576709298..comments2024-03-03T05:12:54.997-05:00Comments on Passionate Quilter: Retard??Passionate Quilterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15280625610653416523noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-72059733834440463342008-03-27T10:07:00.000-05:002008-03-27T10:07:00.000-05:00HI Karin,I have a sister that is mentally retarded...HI Karin,<BR/>I have a sister that is mentally retarded too. I love my sister but am not really offended when people use the word "retard" in a negative way. I guess if it is really bothering you you should just tell your friends you would rather they choose a different word as the word retard offends you. My way of dealing with it (and my parents) was just to ignore it and let the comment roll off my/our backs. If it was not directed at my sister, I didn't and still don't let it bother me. That being said, if it bothers you, then you should tell them.<BR/><BR/>Your daughter is lucky to have parents that appreciate her. Many kids don't have that, mentally challenged or not! I have enjoyed visiting your blog!!Mama Sparkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03124372688717255658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-23570464152650520282008-03-21T13:45:00.000-05:002008-03-21T13:45:00.000-05:00What a lovely daughter you have! Maybe it is a re...What a lovely daughter you have! Maybe it is a regional thing where you live - as I have never heard anyone I know use the word retard in a general term and to tell you the truth - we don't even say retarded, but rather say slow, or have Downs or something to that effect. But if it is your best friend and you have a hard time verbalizing your feelings... maybe you should just print out this post and include it in a nice card about friendship, include a little note about how you feel and mail it... You might find yourself mailing it to more than 1 person, but I think it would work.<BR/>Cheers!<BR/>EvelynEvelyn aka Starfishyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12025353776081066815noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-17095578025299165122008-03-20T19:18:00.000-05:002008-03-20T19:18:00.000-05:00I'm sorry that happened. I honestly didn't know in...I'm sorry that happened. I honestly didn't know in this very PC (politically correct) culture that people were still using that term. <BR/>Maybe ya'll could catch a cup of coffee at Starbucks and you could let them know it really stung.Juryizstillouthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15359064815254658511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-52441025072562659132008-03-19T09:54:00.000-05:002008-03-19T09:54:00.000-05:00I had an aunt who was very negative about men--pro...I had an aunt who was very negative about men--probably had a lot to do with her half dozen failed marriages, but she was REALLY negative. Whenever she'd start in on a whole "Men are stupid" rant, I'd point out the good, intelligent characteristics of MY husband. Finally she was trained that, when she'd start a rant around me, she'd turn to me and say, "except for Tom, of course." I guess the moral of this story is speak up if something bothers you. Your friends will catch on eventually. Hugs to you and your wonderful family...Yvonnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15074900293420930037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-35006563925240219372008-03-17T12:23:00.000-05:002008-03-17T12:23:00.000-05:00Thanks for sharing this with us. I think I would j...Thanks for sharing this with us. I think I would just say, "Please don't use that word." If they are your friends, and it sounds like they really are, they would feel bad that they offended you and would want to know it so they are sure not to do it again. They truly don't realize how offensive that word really is. I know they would want to know your feelings.<BR/><BR/>Have you gotten a chance to make anything "Elvis" for your lovely daughter?Laurie Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12230672100645122747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-63850303487168753462008-03-12T01:36:00.000-05:002008-03-12T01:36:00.000-05:00I have said it before, I know I have and I conside...I have said it before, I know I have and I consider myself to be a fairly sensitive person and I try not to use derogatory terms. I'm sorry, I really am.<BR/><BR/>I think rather than try a witty comeback I'd just quietly say, something like " I know it's not your intention but I feel that comment was derogatory and it's very upsetting to me".<BR/><BR/>I think Vicki's right to a degree in that I'm sure people are not intentionally saying something they know would upset you but rather than let it pass, I would say something - if nothing else, it may make them stop and think.<BR/><BR/>I personally feel just as bad if I sit and listen to people say things as if I was participating in the conversation. Usually when I'm with family or friends I say "I'm sorry but that makes me really uncomfortable and I wish you wouldn't use that word or phrase when you're talking to me.Mary Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07801947879882584734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-61263169077423588112008-03-10T06:56:00.000-05:002008-03-10T06:56:00.000-05:00Agin - not quick witted here, but...I have to agre...Agin - not quick witted here, but...<BR/>I have to agree with those who said to just ask, "Why?" & the explain if that isn't enough of clue. Putting the onus back on them...<BR/><BR/>My husband & I had a falling out with my brother-in-law on a very similar topic - except that he knew he was being nasty & derrogatory...<BR/><BR/>I have similar feeling about curse words - I think it shows a lack of vocabulary (intelligence) to just throw curse words around & when I do actually swear - it is so very effective - because I don't throw those words around willy nilly. <BR/><BR/>I broke my husband of the swearing habit - so you can break your friends of their "habit."The Calico Cathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06319271181930512880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-2336005133255080972008-03-10T06:48:00.000-05:002008-03-10T06:48:00.000-05:00I completely understand your frustration but can I...I completely understand your frustration but can I kindly offer another opinion? Every individual can't know every word or phrase that will upset of offend every single person that we meet every day. Are you positive that you have NEVER said something that has offended or upset one of your friends? Do you think they said what they said specifically to upset your or while thinking specifically of your daughter? Ask yourself if you have become too sensitized before you risk losing friends that love you because they slipped in their language.Vicki Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06929340703066037054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-6223865897165246652008-03-10T06:34:00.000-05:002008-03-10T06:34:00.000-05:00I'm sorry that you have experienced this. I am not...I'm sorry that you have experienced this. I am not quick and glib, either-at least not when the heart is smarting. Many years ago I was at a gathering of folks I didn't know very well and one of the men was going on and on about "broads" and other less-than-respectful terms for women. After a while it became bit much, and I finally turned to him and said, 'hey, if you don't refer me as a XXX, I won't call you a %$%# (insert ethnic slur of your choice)" Now that wasn't a very sophisticated comment, and none of the words used was in the truly offensive category, but it got his attention and he was all apologies. Some words have become such a part of 'everyday speech' that he never thought that anyone might be offended; indeed, the word that I used was one that I'm sure he had used to refer to himself. However, words can hurt, and we all should really be more careful.Gailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08462858715264217775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-12816728834793495912008-03-10T01:54:00.000-05:002008-03-10T01:54:00.000-05:00I would say: "That's an interesting choice of word...I would say: "That's an interesting choice of words, do you mind telling me why you picked it?" and put the onus back on them to explain themselves.Ruth's Placehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00789737451339663572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-7940938711590642882008-03-10T01:43:00.000-05:002008-03-10T01:43:00.000-05:00Hi Karin,Reading this, I would like to react, beca...Hi Karin,<BR/><BR/>Reading this, I would like to react, because I understand your angryness about these remarks. My standard reply to someone who is implicitely offensive is "What do you mean by this word/remark/question?". They have to be explicit then and have to think about their answer. Usually it sinks in at that moment and it does the job. If not, or if they are referring to "oh well, she was doing something so stupid blah blah blah", you can say something like: "no, I am referring to the word retard, what do you mean by that?". That will usually help. And than make the remark about how you feel about using the word retard and about you daughter. <BR/><BR/>I know you as a very witty, happy person. But this is serious business. If it's serious, deal with it as a serious matter, and say what you think. Not witty, not more direct than they are, but from your heart as a fact. That usually goes directly to the others person's heart. And that's where you want it to land.<BR/><BR/>Your daughter is blessed to have you and Kirt as her parents.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-59785458712137815762008-03-10T00:37:00.000-05:002008-03-10T00:37:00.000-05:00I absolutely hate that word, even when used "prope...I absolutely hate that word, even when used "properly" to describe someone such as your daughter. I know that technically it's the right word in that case, but because it's been soooo misused, it doesn't seem right for anything. I know I don't use it in a derogatory way, and the first time it came out of my kid's mouths in the wrong way, it was the last.<BR/><BR/>I like Patti's suggestion, but I'm like you, not very quick on the draw in situations like that. I can always think of things to say when I'm alone later and the episode is eating it's way through my mind and heart, and the opportunity has passed.<BR/><BR/>Maybe you could do some research on websites about this problem? I'm sure you're not the only one to experience it. Maybe these 3 friends of yours read your blog???Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14000072374513970433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21252407.post-6407475723347743862008-03-09T23:09:00.000-05:002008-03-09T23:09:00.000-05:00I'm certainly a failure when it comes to thinking ...I'm certainly a failure when it comes to thinking of snappy comebacks. I think I'd just shoot straight from the hip. I'd look them in the eye and say something like "You are usually a very kind person, so I'm sure you have no idea how offensive and hurtful I find that comment. Can you please think of another way to express your feelings when that happens?" <BR/><BR/>I don't think I use expressions like that - I'm almost positive I don't - but you have made me think more about what I am saying. That is a GOOD thing!Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07125491177774966237noreply@blogger.com